Sammy Lagucci is a lovable loser who just wants to do right by his daughter. When he finds out the gangsters he runs with are planning to take him out, he enters the Witness Protection program to protect himself and his family. Going from The Big Apple to a small town in Wisconsin gets him down at first, but on a dare he does an impromptu stand-up comedy routine and finds he has a knack for it. His act goes viral, and what should be a blessing turns into a curse when his newfound fame gets the attention of the mob.

Zach is guy for whom the party never ends. But when he meets the girl he nicknames "Crazy Eyes," the inability to have her, combined with family matters, are signs that his idle life might be due for a change.

An ancient urn is found in a cemetery outside Rome. Once opened, it triggers a series of violent incidents: robberies, rapes and murders increase dramatically, while several mysterious, evil-looking young women coming from all over the world are gathering in the city. All these events are caused by the return of Mater Lacrimarum, the last of three powerful witches who have been spreading terror and death for centuries. Alone against an army of psychos and demons, Sarah Mandy, an art student who seems to have supernatural abilities of her own, is the only person left to prevent the Mother of Tears from destroying Rome.